My dear Ajju...

It’s been almost three weeks I am trying to lead my life without you. Am I getting used to this? I don’t know. Am I sad? I don’t know. My dear Ajju,  I really do not know what’s happening in my life after you left me. I feel I am not reading my own mind. Its taking me a bit of while to get over the fact that you are not with us. People here tell me not to cry, not to feel bad etc. etc. But the fact is I am missing you Ajju. I am missing you big time.

It’s a unique bond which got created between us and the bonding got better and better till the very end. No one taught me to love. I loved you and still continue loving till my last breath. You were everything to me. From last few years, you were literally our baby. That sweet smile of yours still stays in my eyes ,those cute god rhymes you chanted everyday resonates in my ears, those sweet kisses you gave me used to remove all the bitterness that existed in me. 

You used to enjoy those memories when I plucked your spectacles just five minutes after my birth. This shows that our bonding had already started when I was in your daughter's womb. I have all those sweet memories when I came jumping during school holidays. You used to hug me tightly, brush my hairs, softly touch my chin and said "nan muddu bangaara bandbidta" (my sweet grandson is here). You took all my mischiefs and I can’t even recall if you actually scolded me? at least once? No one could stop my happiness when dad said, myself and mom would stay with grandparents for 2-3 years and join a school in Bangalore. I was literally going to heaven then. And when dad took us away to Raichur, I was leaving you with heart full of sorrowfulness. I can’t forget when you took that courage to go and book a railway ticket and come down to Raichur to meet me. And in high school, when I shifted back to Bangalore and was staying in Guru's house, I was hoping for a chance every now and then to meet and spend time with you.

When grandpa expired, I saw tears in your eyes for the first time. I could not control myself at that situation. I know you had suffered your whole life with body full of fractures, struggling everyday with kerosene stove, not even a boiler to heat the water and what not. With so many difficulties also, you never spoke back to anyone and took all the beatings to yourself. You were literally like a "Punyakoti" (A holy cow), always wishing others success, blessing younger ones and never did bad to anyone.You are the true inspiration. I promise that I will inculcate as many values that you taught us. 

A small incident which stuck my heart. It was almost one week Ajju had left us. I had gone to airport to pick my cousin. I was waiting and was observing people around. I could see two pretty kids, a boy who was like 5 yrs. and his sister who was almost 7. They were having good time playing, shouting, pulling each other’s leg. The next moment I could see both of them running towards the door which opened up for a couple, on their wheel chairs. They were the kids grandparents. Boy ran and hugged the granny and girl the grandpa. Affection towards their grandparents was overflowing. Those scenes filled my eyes. For a moment I felt, I would go home, enter my room, go tightly hug MY granny, similar to those kids. However my dreams were shattered the next moment when the brain said, this can’t happen :( :( 

Ajju, the last 5-6 years is a golden era in my life. You stayed with us, gave us love, poured the happiness and made our lives totally worth it. I don’t know where you are, however you will be in my heart till it beats. Every day I question myself, why couldn't she stay with me for another few years? I need your blessings every moment and I know without which I can’t even move an inch. Ajju, wherever you are, be happy. I derived and continue deriving energy from your happiness.

Missing you a lot !!!!